what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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