No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
