we have officially lost it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
