arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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