when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
