If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
