if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
