It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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