we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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