whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
