put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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