And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
