my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
