I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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