if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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