You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
