she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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