trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
