I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
