I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
