talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
