dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
