you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
