he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
