I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
