I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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