Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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