Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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