Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
