I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
