You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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