when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
