I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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