You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
