Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
