Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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