You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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