home. puking in laundry basket.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm like, not good at living.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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