Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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