My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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