i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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