I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
