I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
