im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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