Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I color on your dick again?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
