i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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