You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i already hear my dad disowning me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
