im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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