You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
