he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm both gender and math confused
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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