I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
