Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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