Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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